I haven’t written things on this blog for a while but, I decided to put this piece out here that I wrote while I was in a state of depression after reviewing the broken connections I had in my life. Sometimes, I find that it’s the sad things that pull even the most basic of human emotions out of me that I write things trying to express feelings that are hard for me to express outwardly in my appearance since I have found that it’s easier to smile when sad to avoid facing the mirror of these difficult emotions. Writing them down is my therapy.
I called this piece Awakening Sorrow because sometimes we don’t realize how much we bottle up emotions until the container breaks…it’s like as if you suddenly wake up from a deep slumber as you watch the bottle break and everything starts to rush out.
Here it is:
The feeling that courses through my veins and the feelings that run through my heart are a wellspring of unidentified tears that quiver in the rain. There is no storm that is able to capture this flood that sweeps through all these presumptions, which I once thought to be real, but recently discovered were simple delusions or an emptied bag of emotions that soon were unthreaded by the truth, that I am indeed alone.
Alone, alone, alone, the feeling never dissipating, but who am I to once think joy was possible when holding onto a hopless fantasy? Gripping onto it praying for reality, when reality showed me that the fantasy, was nothing but a vain imagination of a hope deferred that has made the heart sick…
Sometimes this feeling calls for death, a death to the things I cannot hold onto, but have cherished all the while for a long long time, wondering if time will tell me a different story, only to show me how simple and strange the present has held me to a past illusion that will not continue onwards into my tomorrow since the dream appears to have an ending… an ending about not enduring, not enduring the continuance of this delusion that I once thought was real.
Sadness hovers like a clenched fist, beating down on this illusion, showing me that fantasy can drive you to do insane things.
Reality has shown me, that the truth will always embrace me, and no matter how difficult that truth maybe, I lay a hold of it to keep my sanity still.
(c) 2013 Sherline T. All Rights Reserved.